Secondary infertility (difficulty conceiving #2,3,4…) is a whole different ballgame from primary infertility (difficulty TTC #1). You can have one and not the other or you can have both. I’ve heard of people TTC for years for #1, getting #1 through IVF and then going on to have #2-4 with no medical intervention, people who have trouble conceiving every child, and people like me – no trouble with #1 and then the struggle began when it came time for #2.
The feelings I have with secondary infertility can be overwhelming.
- Grief each month AF shows her ugly face for the baby that could have been. Hope built up and crushed at the end of each 2ww
- Grief on behalf of Handsome Boy that he isn’t sharing his life with a sibling, a partner in crime.
- Am I not a good enough mother to Handsome Boy? Do I not deserve another?
- Shouldn’t I be happy that I have one precious child? Am I being selfish to want more? There are some women who never get to experience the joy of a child even once.
I have no lack of gratitude for my miracle son – in fact, I think I appreciate the fact that he is here and he is mine much more so than those who easily have newborns year after year. But does having one child mean I can’t yearn for another baby? Can’t I feel grateful for the child I have and at the same time wish for another? Can’t those two emotions coexist?