It Still Stings

I thought I was past this, but clearly I’m not. And since this is my personal space to vent, vent I will.

Just found out about a few people I’m close to with nearly one to just turned two years olds who are expecting again. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy for them. Happy, but jealous.

In my master plan we’d be welcoming #3 into our home this Dec, not #2. In my master plan I’d never have gone through 2.5 years of infertility. I wouldn’t be so jaded by TTC and childbirth. I would still be naive about the process and be able to enjoy it every step of the way.

Losing my innocence through secondary infertility still stings. I honestly don’t know if I will ever fully move past it b/c every time I think I’m at peace with it all something happens and I find myself holding back tears.

I’m already worrying about TTC #3 when #2 has not yet arrived. Worrying about when to wean Little Pea in order to get my cycle back on track to time so we can try naturally for a few months for #3 and still have the spacing between Little Pea and #3 that we want even if we need to go through infertility treatment again.

Worrying that all the drugs I took to conceive #2 could somehow be harmful to Little Pea or myself down the road…

Just because I’m pregnant doesn’t mean it’s over. Infertility still stings.

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